Sometimes we find ourselves in situations, more specifically relationships with no future, but in those moments, what you have feels like enough. Like you don’t need anything else and you don’t want to think logically about the next step. You just want to live in the moment because you’re happy with that person. Have you ever felt this way?
Love Without Worrying About Future
How does one know who their soulmate, their perfect partner, their dream come true is? I wish there were applications to serve this purpose. Movies, books and endless romantic songs have this idea installed in our brain about a perfect someone meant for you. If you would have asked me even a year ago if such a feeling really existed, I would have laughed. To me, love didn’t mean anything. I had a clear picture of the future in my mind – I would find an ideal spouse and start a family while balancing my work and home life; and if in the future no love was in sight, it wouldn’t faze me because I was never interested in these things from the start. But that was about to change drastically.
Kind of like love-at-first-sight
It all began when I was preparing for my Masters. Our eyes met once or twice during class and we exchanged the usual pleasantries. Soon the preparation classes ended and I had started to regret that I will never see her again. I believe we are mere puppets in the game of life and everything is prewritten. That’s why, when after about five months, I received a friend request from her on Facebook, I started wondering if we were meant to be or if there was something more to us, something more than just a silly relationship with no future. I could not believe this was actually happening, slowly I started to recognize the signs of chemistry between two people and our conversations grew. She had started living in another city by then and I had moved to a different location but our endless chats compensated for it. Sometimes I flew to her city for a day trip without anyone finding out. Then, one day, she finally dropped the bomb and my heart broke into a million pieces – she was already engaged to a boy living abroad. I didn’t expect to feel as heartbroken as I did because I expected myself to be more logical and rational about the whole situation.
She was engaged but unhappy
Her parents had chosen the guy for her and she was to spend the rest of her life with this stranger. They got engaged in January that year and were scheduled to marry soon. She said she had not liked him and despite explaining this to her parents nothing had changed. I could feel her discomfort regarding the situation and wondered if I could do anything to make her feel better and alleviate her suffering. Some days, I would persuade her to fight for her right, on others, I would lighten up her mood by playing a song on my guitar. She loved and respected her parents and did not want to go against their will since they had sacrificed a lot for her. One day I asked her, “Where do you see us in the future?” To which she had no answer. Tears welled in her eyes, and I could do nothing but lend her a shoulder to cry on.
We only grew closer
Life is unfair, but then as Stephen Hawking says ‘God does play the dice’. With each conversation, our bond grew stronger. We spoke about music, movies and pets; our fears, dreams and goals; our past relationships, perfect dates and sex, but more than anything else about how much we missed each other. How we both wanted to reach out to each other in the class, how we wish we had met before, how we were mirror images of each other, how seeing the moon at the same time made us connect at the subconscious level. We knew this was a relationship without a future but we also knew the time spent apart brought us closer. We cherished every day we spent together and never took a single moment for granted. Our conversations would meander around places we wanted to visit and be lost in each other, about walks on the beach with hands clasped, singing a song, kissing in the rain, watching the sunset, bonfires, romantic dinner dates and countless other things.
I will always cherish those memories
Yes, I can say unequivocally that she makes my heart beat faster and when I see the words ‘online and typing’ on her chatbox, it makes me smile. Reading her conversations makes me believe in the wonderful world. We both are well aware that in the future no love would exist between us because of our circumstances. I know ours is a relationship with no future. Some may label this as a friends-with-benefits arrangement, but it’s much more than that. We had a spark, an irreplaceable bond and we both understood each other almost telepathically. Alas, her parents would never understand. The date has been fixed for next month, and she’s become busy planning her own wedding, so our meetings have reduced and I rarely ever see her. But I will always respect her and be grateful for the memories she made with me. Wherever she does land up, I hope we can remain friends and I hope she will be happy in whatever she chooses to do.
